SIGH

My human's been on the freaking pugmill for 11 hours 26 minutes straight (12.66 miles).

Freak!

In case she goes to bed and takes the thumbs with her, here's a picture that just made her laugh. It's not of me, but I guess it's still pretty funny.

Maybe she'll take my picture again someday.

SIGH.

STUPID PIXELS

Hey everybody. Nothing is still happening here. So much nothing, I couldn't even take a picture of it. Frank went home today. Dutch's farts stink. My human still doesn't sleep. Yesterday she (and Kim) broke the world record for deskmill walking. 11 hours and 35 minutes in one day!

What a freak.

In case anyone's wondering how my human can sleep so little and still not have the other 999's galleries full, I think I know why. It's kinda boring, so I'll let my friend Gracie in Texas help explain it. Me and her brother Arnie go way back, but he's a dude and Gracie isn't.

Does anyone know why pugs named Gracie are all so freaking cute? I mean, seriously.

Anyway. Here's one of Gracie's pictures. Cute, right?

600 x 400 pixels of Gracie

Ok. Now here's Gracie's nose. This is how big it is when it comes out of Nikon. Like, actual size or whatever. It's wet, funk-free and still pretty cute. For a ginormous nose.

430 x 345 pixels of Gracie

So. I guess when you take one of Nikon's giant pictures and shrink it down to internet size, there are like a gazillion pixel things that have to go somewhere. Some get thrown away. Others get smushed. Whatever's left ends up kinda mangled.**

Mangled pixels = pictures that look like poo.

My human says if you're really nice to the pixels, you can make the shrunken pictures look less poo-ey. This means a whole bunch of extra steps and it's what she's been doing like non-stop for weeks. It's also why it's still taking forever to get everyone in their internet galleries even though the printable pictures are all done. Apparently she's not used to making pictures that don't end up on walls.

If you're not a camera person, you probably don't care about stupid pixels. I know I don't. But nobody wants to look like poo. If you are a camera person and want to know how to be nice to pixels, my human can explain it waaaay better than I can. Ask her.

OK. Now that you know all that, here's some of my friends' cuteness:

Cletus shared his sweet potato fries with me in Atlanta.

Bogie is an extrasupermodel.

I don't think Gracie wanted to share Nikon with her brother.

Kingston's dude is the best. His blonde lady is pretty awesome too.

Suki's mom is better at making Suki look cute as she really is.

Maggie likes Nikon about as much as Dutch likes Nikon.

Fergie stole BACON off a plate for me.

My human has a pug crush on Pinguina.

I knew Bouncer back when he had all his toes.

Chaos is... uhm... what his name says.

 

This is not me.

I stayed with Trunks in Florida. I might have humped him too.

Alright. I guess my human's brain is all warmed up now. Time to give back the thumbs.

 * * *

 **If you're a camera person and not afraid of numbers, here's the technical junk:

Why does working in steps produce better results? Resizing reduces some number of pixels into one. It considers three pixels horizontally and three pixles vertically to compute one output pixel. The input pixels nearest the one out are weighted the most. To get from 2400 x 3600 to 320 x 460, a block of very roughly 8 x 8 pixels, 64 in total, around each output pixel might be considered  for contributions to the computed output.

If the reduction is done in a single step, only six of the 64 pixels in the large block will be used to compute the one output.  However, if we go in steps the 8 x 8 will first be reduced to 4 x 4 with all of the original block contributing to that reduction. Then all of the pixels in the 4 x 4 will be used, and so forth.  The final result is better, because 64 rather than 6 pixels in the original contributed to each pixel in the reduced image.

SHEEP + SLEEP

Ok. So maybe making a sex tape wasn't the best idea I've ever had. But I'm glad it made some of the humans out there laugh.

The good news is my human's brain needs to warm up a little before fighting with HAL4 about pugs so she said I could use the thumbs for a few minutes. The bad news is we never do anything fun anymore so I don't have anything new or exciting to say.

Frank's here, so I guess that's new. The Dallas people are excited about their pictures, so I guess that's exciting.

I guess there will be a public gallery for everyone to get excited about after the Other 999 all get their pictures, but you're not public. You're sheep. My sheep. At least that's what one of the angry people said so I'm going with it. She also said my human is going to rot in you-know-where, but I'm thinking she's probably wrong on that one.

Anyway. Sheep or no sheep, I don't think anyone in Dallas will mind you looking at their cuteness. The gallery has a secret password to keep the non-sheep/public out, and I don't want to get in trouble for giving out secrets so you have to guess what it is.

Clues:

Dutch looks like a ( _____ ) but is totally afraid of them.
( _____ ) usually don't love Dutch's favorite color. Or Justin Bieber.

Smush the ( ____ ) together and you get the secret password. It's all one word, has only little letters and ends in 's'.

You can find the gallery HERE.

You'll know you're in the right place if it looks like this:

In case you're one of the angry still waiting for your stuff, it's still coming. HAL4 isn't so fast anymore and my human can't sleep any less than she already does. Or doesn't. Or whatever.

Awhile ago some food doctor told my human she should wear one those bugg thingys on her arm to keep an eye on 'Kim'. It doesn't do squat to control Kim, but it's really good at watching her sleep. Here's what the last week look like for my human:

In case you're one of the awesome and worried my human isn't sleeping enough, you're right. But she's trying. If you count falling asleep on the couch after dinner, last night = a whole 8 hours:

Might not sound like much to a pug, but she says 8 hrs is a lot of sleep for a human. If it wasn't for Frank's snoring, it would have been even more.

Ok. Brain is warmed up now. Time to give back the thumbs.

Later, sheep!

BACON IS A VEGETABLE

Ok, so bacon really isn't a vegetable. Can't blame a pug for dreaming though. Right??

First. A big fat bacon covered thanks to everyone here for being so awesome!!! My human was kinda bummed when the asteroid didn't save her from the big 4-0, but your awesomeness made her big day much better (more on this later).

Second. Have I ever told you how awesome you are? Because you're pretty awesome. Like, almost better than bacon awesome. Unless you're one of the angry people. They make me feel sad and sad is definitely a vegetable.

Third. Dutch really does have a crush on Justin Bieber. And the Timberlake one too. 

Anyway. The thumbs has her hands full trying to get the other 999 pugs into their galleries. I guess HAL4's brains are so full of the edited pug pictures, it's taking for-freaking-ever to do anything. My human was up all night reviving HAL after the crashes and the Dallas pugs are still only half there.

UGH.

gimpy brained human + gimpy brained computer = bad bad bad

No offense to the Other 999, but I can't wait to be the one and ONLY pug again. I've never seen my human not sleep so much and Dutch hogs the bed even more when she's not in it. I know she's working her Kim off trying to get this stuff done, but I really want done to be now.

I'm pretty sure the real Kim lady got rich and famous making a sex tape or something. I have no idea what a sex tape is, but it can't be any harder than this whole 1000 pugs thing. And we're not even rich. Or famous.

ME: next time you should just make a sex tape. 
HUMAN: excuse me? 
ME: a sex tape. Google says that's how that Kim lady got rich and famous. 
HUMAN: well, at least I'd be lying down.

She didn't seem too impressed with this idea, so I have to give up the thumbs now. I'll be back when I can. My human says the sanity break is good for her so I hope it happens soon.

UGH

So, I was kinda excited to start spreading some Other 999 love on the dreaded facebook yesterday. But then some stupid update thingy obliterated half the website and she was up all night trying to unbreak everything.

Anyway. She finally got it finished. Re-finished. Whatever. And since I know everyone here wants to see more pictures and stuff, I want you to be the first to know there's a bunch of new stuff over there to see. A lot of it is just words. And I'm not 100% sure if they even makes sense. But there are some pictures to look at too. It's all on 1000pugs.com under the part that says PROJECT RECAP.

I'll get miss grumpy thumbs to help me write a real post after she cools it on the HBO words. Unless the earth gets hit by another meteor and we all blow up.

POEMS

It's been awhile since I tried to write poems, but Google says Valentines Day is all about this kind of stuff. So here goes:

Roses are red
Violets are blue
My human just figured out what day it is
I hope your V-Day was better than mine!


Roses are red
Violets are blue
Dutch has a crush on Justin Bieber AND Timberlake
Uhm. Yeah.


Roses are still red
Violets are still blue
99.99% of the people reading this are pretty freaking awesome
I totally love you.

PS: I'm sooooo much better at Haiku.

SCARY

So, it's been kind of a kinda scary week. My human got attacked by her pancreas and had to go to the hospital. Me + Dutch were home alone for DAYS. Everything is pretty much OK now, but it was scary.

Scary!

It sucks not having a human - even when the neighbor dude lets you watch Animal Planet and feeds you waaay too much by mistake.

Anyway. I don't believe in ugly, so I'm killing the comments from my last post. My human says everyone is totally allowed to think and feel whatever they want, but this is MY blog and I want it to be a happy place. Sorry.

So. If you're 1 of 1,000 who are freaking out:

Please chill. Please? You can't tell from the internet, but I'm asking nice with tail waggling. My human hasn't run off to Mexico with your $50. Promise. There will be a ginormous recap thingy on the 1000 Pugs site in a day or two, but here's the deal: this whole 1000 Pugs thing ate my human alive. That's all. It just did. She's not mean or evil or dishonest or whatever you want to think she is. She just tried to do more than she could and failed at some of it. A whole bunch of it. Whatever. I'll let her explain all that.

It really sucks that my human's crazy idea made anyone unhappy. Seriously. It does. I mean, who wants to make people unhappy? All I can say is I hope any happiness goes away. Because as much as my human failed at stuff, she made sure the #1 most important thing that will never, ever go away *definitely* did not get failed at. I'm taking pictures. Trust me. I've seen them.

Oh yeah. It took a freaking eternity - but your pictures are finally done. Check your email tomorrow for the update and info about your galleries. If you don't get an email by this time tomorrow, check your SPAM. If you have a hotmail account, check it twice. If still no email, check the pug website for your city. All the info will be posted there too.

If your name is Bambi, Wilbur, Bardot, Stella, Benny, Frida, Penny, Kiya, Tank, Mazey, Kingsley, Olive Oyl, Livvie, Poppy, Nelson, Winston or Fitz, you can check yourself out on the 1000pugs.com homepage.

Let's all stop here and have a quiet minute for Fitz. He said goodbye too soon. 

I think that's probably enough. If you're not 1 of the 1,000 - sorry. Normal blogging tomorrow. Unless some other part of my human breaks.

JUSTIN = DIVINE

Hi everybody. Dutch again. Thank you all for trying to explain the bacon-pork connection to Pug, but he's convinced it's just a ploy to sneak apples into his belly. Last night he protested by going on a hunger strike. It lasted two seconds.

HUMAN: I thought you were on a hunger strike.
PUG: I am!
HUMAN: you can't be on a hunger strike AND eat your food
PUG: I'm still hungry. Doesn't that count?

Google agreed with our human and suggested a sit-in would be easier than not eating. Pug has been sitting-in on the kitchen floor since breakfast. He seems to think our human will notice him lying on floor and think protest. I'm quite certain she'll see him lying on the floor and think sleeping. But that's just me.

Before I go, I want to tell you about a place called Whole Foods. Mazda is sick so we walked there last night. Over a giant hill. Both ways! It was very enjoyable. Until our human parked us and went inside to buy a piece of cow. That I did not like.

WHOLE FOODS = HAPPINESS

She must have known we wouldn't enjoy being parked outside of Whole Foods because she came back with something yummy for us too:

JUSTIN = DIVINE!

I had to share with greedy little you-know-who so I only got a few licks of Justin. But a few licks of Justin's yumminess are better than no licks at all.

LIES?

Please don't ask what happened with the bacon. I'm not ready to talk about it.

OK. So, I know it's boring when I talk about food. But since I'm already talking about food, I have a huge question for everybody. 

What is bacon?

Like, what is it made out of. Reason I ask is because my stupid human decided to replace my new food with a new new food. She says I need to eat something that lives in the same aisle as Dutch's nasty lamb+apple stuff so she won't forget to buy it. 

ME: but I like my old new food.
HUMAN: the bag is almost empty and this one has BACON in it!
ME: then why does the bag say PORK?
HUMAN: silly Pug. Bacon is PORK.

Google says Bacon is a cured meat prepared from a pig. My human says pork is just another word for pig. She doesn't eat pigs or bacon so I'm pretty sure she has no idea what she's talking about.

My human pointed out that Dutch's nasty apple-y food has pictures of apples on the bag and my new new food has pigs. She says if pigs = bacon, then my new new food must be bacon. Even though it says PORK in big giant letters.  

But do pictures of pigs mean really mean anything? I mean, what if the food people just like pigs??
 

PIGS

The whole bacon/pork thing wouldn't be such a big deal if my new new food tasted good. But it tastes like butt. Worse than butt. It tastes like... apples.

We know how I feel about apples.

I'm pretty sure this is some sort of conspiracy. Like maybe a certain gimpy-brained somebody didn't bother to check the ingredient thingy for nasty stuff (like apples) and is now trying to cover it up by telling me I'm eating bacon when I'm really eating pork. And apples.

Should I believe the lies? Does pork = pig = bacon??

THE TRUTHS

GROSSER THAN GROSS!

 Hello everybody. It's me. Dutch. Puglet is on strike because he didn't get his bacon. I'll let him whine tell you all about that himself. So much drama over a few bites of bacon.

So be it.

While Pug is off pouting, I would like to tell you some truths about our hike with the cows last week. And by truths I mean all the truths - not just the ones that make me look bad. Pug already told you those.

Truth #1: cows are big
Truth #2: mom cows are big and mean
Truth #3: mom cows are big and mean and extremely scary

I don't care what Pug says, all these things are a million percent true. Anyone with half a brain cell would be afraid of cows. My human doesn't understand this because her brain is gimpy. I don't know what Pug's excuse is.

Truth #4: Pug eats gross stuff
Truth #5: Pug rolls in gross stuff
Truth #6: Pug is grosser than gross

Pug wasn't on a leash in that video to protect the scary baby cow. He was on a leash because he got in trouble for eating poo and rolling in nasty stuff. I don't know what the stuff he rolled in was, but you can see it all over him in today's picture. Gross.


Truth #7: I have spots but am nothing like a cheetah


Take those truths, Pug!


Love + Pink 4ever,

Dutch